"I fell in love the moment I saw her." Travis Clary said to me as I sat at my desk and listened to what he had to say.
"I did not know her very well, and she and I had probably talked once, but I had always liked her from the beginning."
Travis had come to me because he was dealing with emotional stress and blackouts. I'm a psychologist, Travis' case was the first case I heard in a long time that actually peaked my interest. He spoke of how he was driven to this condition and how it the source of all of his pain came from one single woman and the scar she left on his soul for the rest of his life.
Now as a psychologist, I am allowed to judge my patients, but not allowed to verbally express my moral opinions based on what they say. However, in a case as extreme as Travis' he has asked me that I tell him everything I think. He sat on my couch, biting his thumbnail and shaking his leg up and down. His motor was running as I like to say. I refer to the shaking of one or more legs to be the result of excess energy put into a certain subject. Travis is putting too much of his energy into blaming his problems on this woman, when most likely, a majority of the problems originated from Travis himself.
"I thought she did not care for me, until one day she expressed to me that she would like to know me more. We started talking, a week went by and our friendship had greatly increased. I learned that she and I had a lot in common."
Travis doesn't seem to be suffering from as extreme of a case as he has told me. Based on what I know, it seems as if his heart had been broken, that's all.
"Now please, I am about to go into a greatly detailed story, is that fine with you? It may take awhile." Travis looked at me and waited for a reply.
I nodded my head, this would surely be interesting.
"After we became decent friends, she began flirting with me at a mild level. I thought she may have just been kidding around at first because that's what women tend to do sometimes, you never know what is going on in their heads--unless you are a woman. Anyway, she and I began to bond closer and eventually I started flirting back with the same amount of extremity she had been giving me.
"Then came Friday night. She and I had gone out with a couple of friends to a restaurant and had a small dinner party. That night, she took it to a whole new level and began to flirt with me more than ever. At the end of the dinner, she told me in private that she had feelings for me. I thought this had to be a dream, no one has ever been that blunt or forward to me about something so intimate before.
"The next day was awful. She and I work in the same building--I forgot to mention that--and when I saw her that morning, she did not say 'Hi' or 'Hello' or even 'Hey'. She just walked by and acted like I was another drab coworker. I figured she may have not seen me, but then I was standing next to another good work friend of mine, Dave, and we were talking about politics or some controversial subject and she walked into the room. Then she briefly looked at me for not even a full second then looked at Dave and asked him some random question.
"I was shocked. She did not even acknowledge my prescence, she did not nod, she did not even say a single word to me. Then she walked out of the room and she had still not said a single thing to me. I had no idea what was wrong so I asked her. Her responses were short, one word sentences and I struggled to keep a fluent conversation. I eventually gave up and walked away.
"The next week seemed a bit odd. I felt that we were more distant than before, but she talked to me everyday and still flirted with me, I just felt that something had changed. By Friday, though, I thought I had restored what we had last Friday and I planned on asking her to dinner the following Monday.
"That night I felt the entire world close in on me. Dave called and asked what was going on between me and her, I confessed my feelings for her to him and told him what she had told me the week before. Dave suddenly changed moods and got very quiet. He told me that he was sorry, but he had seen her walk out with a man after work and they kissed and got in a car and drove off.
"I didn't understand what happened. Everything had been going so well! Then out of nowhere she stops talking to me for one day and then this man appears and steals her feelings right out of my heart!"
Travis had just told me a tragic love story that unfortunately happens to many men in the world, we all cope with it and it is nothing he should be at a professional's office for. I was about to speak when he continued.
"Then I did it. It was not right, but I have no regrets. I do not feel any remorse for what I have done."
Suddenly, this became a possible crime confession.
"I began to stalk her and the man. I watched them laugh in each other's arms, I watched them kiss, I watched them talk. It made me sick. All I wanted to do was hurt someone, I almost hurt myself. I stood on the roof of my office building and contemplated whether or not I should jump. Then I realized that I was wrong...about everything.
"I should not be mad at myself, but mad at her. She lied to me, she played me like a pair of dice and then threw me to the side, not caring what would happen to me after she was gone. I told her what I felt, she said she was sorry, but I don't think she meant it."
Perhaps it was not crime, I know it was an attempted suicide. Travis could have been entering a serious state of clinical depression, and that is why he was here, but does he really know why?
"I eventually followed her home in my car Wednesday night. I waited across the street in my car and the man eventually showed up. He got out of his car with a bouquet of flowers and went up to her front door. Once he was inside, I got out and snuck around the backside of the house. I broke in and found them in the living room watching television. I did not know what I was doing, but I had to act. It was too late. I grabbed a large knife from the kitchen and slowly walked into the living room, just past the line of sight for both of them."
Travis was most likely confessing to murder. I was fully intrigued. Travis had my utmost attention.
"I stabbed her first from behind. I didn't even say anything. I did not give her time to react to my attack, as I stabbed her in the neck, which almost instantly killed her. The man spun around with a look of fear on his face and I stabbed him with what I thought at the time to be lightening fast reflexes. The man did not go down after the first stab. He stood up and leaned back away from me, but I lunged forward and stabbed him in the jugular. He bled profusely and collapsed to the floor.
"They were both dead. The blood was already soaking into the carpet as their corpses lied on the ground, the look of shock forever imprinted on their faces. I stepped on their bodies as I walked out the back door. I took the knife with me so when they were found, the authorities could not find the murder weapon.
"This was two weeks ago. Do you remember reading any article in the New York Times about that couple found dead in a home, brutally murdered but with little evidence? Well that was me."
Travis had just confessed to murder and this was his first visit to me. It was also his last.
"It is strange how I feel no guilt. I only feel more anger caused by what she did to me. I wish I could stab her again if she were still alive. Are you listening?"
I set my pen down as I had just finished taking my notes. I looked up and him and locked my fingers together.
"Yes, Travis, I am." I told him.
"What is your diagnosis?" Travis asked me.
I looked down at my notes and told Travis a brief summary of what I had concluded.
"Well, Travis, it appears as if you had your heart broken by a woman. This happens to many men, but you were too weak and did not have the self-esteem to deal with such a painful thing so you attempted suicide. Then you decided to direct your anger towards the woman and the man, in this case, you took this anger and expressed it throught the sin of murder. You do not feel remorse for the grave sin you have committed and for that you are being condemned. Thank you for letting me analyze your case for approval Travis, it has been a pleasure. Welcome to Hell."